Supporting Your Soldier (And You) During *These* Times

This is not the post I planned to publish today, but we keep it real over here so this is going live instead.

 

I wrote a rough draft of this post during the time that troops were pulling out of Afghanistan and its effects made waves among military families and our community’s emotional compass.

 

Now it’s March 2022 and it doesn’t even require a quick social media search to know that some of us are experiencing some strong feelings about the current violence.

 

And I’m not referring to the celebrities who “can’t travel to Italy for a vacation.” Ahem.

 

I’m talking about the military families who are in the emotional trenches of the current goings-on who have had to field one too many questions about their service member.

 

Let’s dive in and get you (and your soldier) some support.

 

First off:

 

Sending special support to my readers who have a soldier who just left for Basic Training. You make up the majority of my audience and your feelings on this matter!

 

Saying goodbye is never easy. Adjusting to the military life can be tough. Add in global uncertainty and it’s a recipe for anxiety and fear (and a whole host of mixed emotions).

 

The military family community sees you.

 

That’s not just well-wishing.

 

You are literally entering our community at this time of uncertainty.

 

We were in your place before, under different circumstances perhaps. But we “get” it. Your uncertainty, possible confusion, and guaranteed worry does not go unnoticed!

 

Your ability to support your soldiers’ sacrifice and stand beside him/her through this time will only strengthen their success and your capability to serve. You may be called upon to be a rock or force of calm at some point, and your experiences today will go on to mold your abilities in the future. Your current support is so valuable.

 

Okay, let’s get to the support!

 

Tips for Supporting Your Soldier

 

OPSEC and PERSEC and All Times

 

Maintain operational security and personal security at all times, in person, over communication devices, and ESPECIALLY ONLINE.

 

Operational security includes keeping all information private that relates to group operations: timelines, orders, unit information, locations, etc.

 

Personal security includes keeping all information private that relates to personal operations: rank, address, contact information, phone contacts, etc.

 

No matter how well-meaning, no one has a right to breach OPSEC or PERSEC and certainly no one has the right to ask you to do so. It doesn’t matter if it’s the sweet intention of mailing a birthday package or the casual prying of a distant relative– you cannot and should not reveal operational or personal information to someone.

 

This article has a great in-depth explanation of OPSEC and PERSEC with relevant examples.

Begin Using the Word “and”

 

There are some things in this life that are mutually exclusive. But most things are not.

 

You can be a compassionate human AND disagree with a political leader’s policies. You can fear for the safety of another nation AND feel afraid at how something out of your control could impact your family. It’s even possible to feel like you want to help AND to feel at a loss for how to make difference.

 

Use “and” for your own mental support, and for the best possible support of your soldier.

 

There are 1 million and 1 ways to support your soldier AND feel your feelings/opinions on what is taking place in the world. You can stand behind your soldier AND have strong/differing opinions. Freely use the word “and” in your discussions and thoughts.

 

It will also alleviate your soldier from feeling like he/she needs to 100% conform to your opinions or concerns. Especially when your soldier is part of an organization that unites on so many issues. You can co-exist AND not completely see eye-to-eye.

 

You can also totally agree on the same things. 🙂

Know When to Take a Break

 

No matter how much being informed can give you a sense of security, it is important to give your mind a rest. Even more than that, give your soldier a break from having to discuss, think about, research, react to all the goings-on of the world.

 

Much like #2 of this list, taking a break does not mean you are apathetic, naive, or callous. Balance is not harmful to anyone.

 

Really.

 

Also, you might not be taking a break for yourself. Your soldier might need some time to think about anything but the news. Be that safe place when you can.

 

Find a Trusted Person to Talk to

 

You (and your service member) can speak to confidential counselors to receive advice, get things off your chest, and find a place of peace. There are confidential counselors (including confidential for soldiers) on each military installation for in-person counseling. Look for Military Family and Life Counseling known as MFLC to set something up in-person.

 

For those who prefer to do things via video meeting, contact Military One Source to get matched with a counselor today.  It’s confidential and free.

 

Note: If you are a brand new Army spouse, you will need to be enrolled in DEERS to do this. Your soldier enrolls you while at Basic Training, is if he/she just left last week you will need to wait about two weeks.

 

If you are not your soldier’s dependent (if you’re a parent or girlfriend/boyfriend) you can still find online support groups (facebook has SO many) specific to your soldier’s duty station. While these groups are not moderated by licensed counselors, they can still provide you with a wealth of information, answers to questions, and emotional support from members of that military community.

 

There are people here to support you!

 

 Tips for Supporting YOU

 

 Silence is NOT consent on Social Media

 

Despite what someone may tell you, NOT posting something “relevant” is totally okay. Silence is not complicit. You are not directly impacting an issue by simply remaining silent. If hashtags were enough to solve the world’s problems, we would live in a perfect world.

 

Simply put, we have been helping each other, meeting humanitarian needs, and changing the world for thousands of years without social media. There are other ways to help a cause. Don’t let someone bully you into thinking that if you didn’t “say” something, you must not care.

 

The truth of the matter is that, despite what our culture might perpetuate, your social media does not represent who you are as a complete human. Social media is a tool, platform, archive, connection, and way to create. It is NOT an inner look at your soul, mind, or morals.

 

I am not denying the value of social media campaigns, online donating, petitions, and public support. I am simply saying that representing every single intimate detail of your personal ideologies is not necessary or possible. Remaining silent does not mean you are heartless or unwilling to help. There are more helpful things in this life than changing your profile frame.

 

PS If you really want to make to say “something” public without creating a safety risk, try posting something like this: “For OPSEC reasons, I will not be discussing the current state of affairs on my page.”

 

No one can or should argue with that!

Question Everything

 

It’s impossible to know the truth. Social media is curated by creators for profit. Posts are flagged and removed constantly. So are comments. Media outlets are not much better. With deep fakes in the works, even videos and footage can be hard to trust. This is not to even scratching the surface of propaganda.

 

Does this mean you can’t believe anything?

 

No of course not.

 

But don’t believe everything.

 

Believe what you can verify, or at least what you can reasonably conjecture. When in doubt, ask others you trust. And it’s best not to share (either in person or online) something that you’re only 50% is true, or something you saw someone else say/post 3 minutes earlier. Take some time to form your opinions and conclusions before sharing.

 

 Arm Yourself with Ways to Decline Conversation

 

Sometimes there is that one person who continues to pester you with OPSEC violating questions and/or keeps dropping headlines on you as an “I-thought-you-should-know-about-this”….

 

I’m sorry. I see you.

 

It happens and it’s so frustrating when it does. Nobody wants to hear a person who has no personal impact with the military spout headlines about “boots on the ground” just to seem like they are part of the conversation. It’s painful and it hurts those who are actually involved.

 

If you are looking for solutions in-person, try this: “I owe it my service member not to discuss these issues.” Another option is: “I’m not at liberty to talk about the current state-of-affairs.” If it’s getting to be too much on social media, you can unplug or even update your bio with: “I will have to delete anything that touches upon issues that effect my soldier and I.”

 

At the end of the day, we have to realize that so many people “just don’t get it.” They probably never will. And it’s best to quietly delete what we have to, ignore certain questions, and find a polite way to keep personal things private.

 

 Don’t Feel Bad Putting America First

 

Your soldier’s first duty is to his/her country.

 

And yours is to your soldier.

 

You can support other countries without changing the flags in your bio. You can empathetically mourn the loss of innocent lives without turning a blind eye to the suffering in our own country. It is not necessary to erase or conceal your American identity in fear of looking prejudiced against another country.

 

We are stronger when we are authentically ourselves. We can help another country without morphing into citizens of that country. Simply put: you can be a humane person, show compassion/care, and help all without lessening your American identity. Remember the rule of ‘and’.

 

Pray

 

If you’re someone who prays, pray! Now is the time to place our needs before God, even the smallest of needs. Pray for the conversion of our enemies and the safety of our friends.

 

On March 25, Pope Francis will consecrate Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, following in the footsteps of  St. Pope John II who renewed the consecration three times during his papacy. A vision of Our Lady of Fatima urged the faithful to pray for the conversion of Russia. Now is a fitting time!

 

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What did I miss?

Where else do you need support?

Leave me a comment below so I can reach out!

 

 

 

 

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