Why Minimalism is Hard for Military Families (& Getting Past It)

We are resilient!

 

We are capable.

 

But no matter how many times we move houses– getting rid of household belongings can be tough for military families!

 

To the non-military world, it might seem, by nature, all Army Families are minimalist. And by “principle” — they aren’t wrong.

 

Our “worth” is not in our things as much as it is in our experiences.

 

We are the original van-dwellers (not necessarily by free-will). 🙂

 

We are famous for our “PCS purges.”

 

And yet…we sometimes have overstuffed garages. We always have more boxes to unpack than we actually want to unpack. We sometimes (always) have to worry about being “overweight” with our PCS household goods limits. Some of us even have a couple boxes that never get unpacked and have multiple sets of moving stickers (shhh!…).

 

Why is this?

 

 

Why Minimalism is Hard for Military Families

 

Is “hard” the wrong word?

 

We go through a lot, so maybe hard doesn’t sound likely.

 

But sometimes, minimalism really is hard for us!

 

Our household goods are all that we’ve got!

 

Said differently: we don’t have a permanent house (we call them forever homes).

 

We don’t have a landscaped backyard with flowers that bloom the same time every year. (always an end goal)

 

There is no attic stuffed with our grandparents belongings or a basement full of family furniture we’ve acquired over the years of time spent with aunts and uncles. (the cute wooden crib the babies never liked but everyone tried)

 

We don’t even get to keep the same friends for long. (ok maybe not related but this is tough too)

 

That side table that a perfect minimalist would vote as “useless” “extra” or “not sparking joy” for us is the side table that was our “first” entryway table. It ended up being our nightstand after the movers lost our other one. It served as a makeshift microwave cart when we had that skinny galley kitchen for 6 months. And most importantly, we got it off of marketplace for $5 from someone who was PCSing to Germany.

 

For someone with a more permanent lifestyle, there’s a bit of a steel framework in place: permanent brick-and-mortar home, the same cars parked in the same driveway, a familiar town, etc. In other words, a fairly permanent environment.  Stuff is the “filler” to the permanent framework you’ve got.

 

But when the bulk of what you own is memories and experiences, with not a single steel framework in sight, “stuff” becomes the only lasting physical aspect of your life.

 

Essentially, it’s easy for military families to become hoarders. Or at least, non-minimal.

 

So, how do we get past it?

 

 

 

Minimalism is Hard for Military Families, But There are Ways to Get Past It

 

 

Despite the fact that it can be hard for us, there are ways to get past it.

 

Of course, many of us don’t get past it. (that’s seriously okay)

 

Many of us have filled-to-the-brim households and constantly do struggle to keep our goods “underweight” when we ship them.

 

Many of us have storage units near family or friends, for the “stuff” we want in our next home, or our next “continental US” home, or for the ever-elusive “forever home.”

 

The truth is, some of us can’t be minimalist. Some of us don’t want to be minimalist. And that’s okay! We don’t all need to be.

 

But.

 

For those of us who are sick of the clutter, sick of claiming damages, and completely 24-hour-stomach-bug sick of unboxing a national catastrophe every 2 years… this part is for you.

 

This is for those of us who scroll on Pinterest looking at beautiful open-floor plan minimal homes and think “my ‘historic’ housing unit could never look like that.”

 

(well, slight bit of truth there: historic houses are tricky)

 

Before I go on spilling the secrets of how to get past the heartache of letting go of household goods, I should come clean about something.

 

I am naturally sentimental. Tossing things out does not come naturally to me. And the more I’ve learned about sustainability (and loathing waste), getting rid of things can feel like an impossible feat.

 

It feels like an apt time to share an unreasonable stat: at one time I owned over 30 pairs of slippers.

 

And those aren’t even sentimental.

 

This is awkward revelation is just an illustration/promise that there is hope for anyone who thinks that they’ll never be able to actually minimize their belongings. I didn’t think I could either. (For one thing, how do you decide which slippers rank in the top 5 out of 30?)

 

Minimalism is possible for sentimental hoarders like us.

 

In fact, “getting past it” is not that impossible at all.

 

How to Get Past the Hard Part of Minimalism as a Military Family

 

 

If you want to try minimalism on for size (and succeed down the road!) only 3 things are required:

 

1. The Will to Try
2. A Mindset Shift
3. Un-Consumption

 

That’s it!

REQUIREMENT ONE:  The Will

 

A willing heart. That’s the first step.

 

Being okay with testing the waters. Attempting to donate 1 bag of items, or emptying out 1 junk drawer. The will to try out the classic clear-one-surface-and-leave-it-empty-for-a-week trick.

 

Being willing to give minimalism a whirl is the first step in being able to let go.

 

Giving yourself permission to say “yes” to this new thing is the very first step.

 

REQUIREMENT TWO: A Mindset Shift

 

Hoarding is a mindset, right?

 

After all, we never actually use the twist-ties we save. We never really need the 3 storage totes of out-dated clothes.  The broken kitchen appliance we might fix never ends up saving the day.

 

Well, minimalism is a mindset too.

 

The mantra “I probably don’t need this” can be just as powerful as the “I probably need this” one. Replacing “I should save this” with “I shouldn’t save this” is more important than the actual action of saving or disposing of an item. It’s training your brain, which is always more effective than training your hand in the moment.

 

To have success with the mindset shift, write down 10 mindsets that would reverse your hoarding. Put them all on one sheet and hang them on your fridge, or write them on 10 different notes (less minimal haha) and sprinkle them in visible places.

 

Here are my 10 mindset shifts that convince me to minimize instead of hoard:

 

10 Minimalism Mindset Shifts

 

1. I have all my basic needs: food, shelter, water, and love. This item can’t give me that.
2. I have something else from this era/memory that means more to me than this item.
3. This item is broken or unusable. It’s not for me anymore.
4. I do not get any/much use from this, but someone else could. I should let it go for them.
5. Clutter causes stress and my peace is more important than this inanimate object.
6. The more energy I spend on these things, the less energy I have for me (my family, my passions, my life).
7. My kids deserve to learn how to let go of things and live with less stress. Let me lead the way.
8. Limiting the “non-favorites” in my home allows for my favorites to shine and be used more.
9. I’ve lived almost 30 years without this item. I’ll keep living without it.
10. I can always decide to get one later. I can acquire this at another time. No need to buy or to hoard it.

 

Realistically, there are about 30 of these mindsets floating around in my head or on lists somewhere. But they really have been enough to help my mind recover from the persistent thoughts of hoarding and tune into the wave-lengths of why minimalism would serve me better.

 

And it does serve me better!

 

 

REQUIREMENT THREE: Un-Consume

 

Focus on consumption, not clutter!

 

Let’s say that paring down your items right down is just too emotional.

 

Maybe you are at a duty station you HATE. And the goods in your house remind you of your last home (in a duty station you loved). Good! (well, I mean, I’m sorry you are at a duty station you hate). But, good for you for knowing what gives you comfort.

 

Don’t.

 

Declutter.

 

A.

 

Single.

 

Thing.

 

………

 

But stop consuming.

 

Minimalism is roughly 20 % decluttering, 20 % mindset, and 60 % consumption habits. (I just made that up but it’s also pretty true)

 

Make the decision today to change your consumption habits, not your decluttering ones.

 

Keep all your Army memorabilia. Hoard your super special book collection. Save the ticket stubs from the hockey game you saw together during redeployment.

 

But don’t add to your kitchen ware. And don’t fill your cart with items that aren’t consumable. Unsubscribe from sale emails. Move the shopping apps on your phone (or delete them!). Go on a shopping fast.

 

It’s actually shocking how much the clutter in the house is NEW.

 

 

True Story of a Military Family Minimizing

 

As a sentimental person, this was my absolute number one golden secret that helped me embrace minimalism, far beyond any decluttering tips or minimalism mindset shifts.

 

Un-consuming.

 

That was it!

 

If I wasn’t sentimental, breaking out the trash bags and decluttering my house would have felt great and sealed-the-deal on how great minimalism was going to be for my family. But the truth is, the thought of getting rid of my precious belongings (my turtle shell as a nomadic mother to three) was what most prohibited me from joining the minimalism ranks.

 

So, I started backwards.

 

Instead of decluttering (the common first step), I started with the last habit (changing patterns of consumption). I stopped shopping as a pastime. I no longer bought things because they were on sale. (HARD) I stopped saying “yes” to a new toy or book per child every time we went to the store. (EASY and also why did I even start that?)

 

It’s so easy to blame the old-stuffed closests as the “reason” for the mess. But, at least for me, the real clutter was the incoming items. The items that didn’t have a home! It was all the things that were slowly trickling in every single week, just because I had never given any thought to what the flood would look like one day if I never turned that faucet off.

 

Of course, once my consumption habits were checked, my hoarding/clutter habits became easier to break down and improve. But don’t start there. That’s not necessary right now, especially if you’re sentimental.

 

 

You Can Do This

 

 

If you are a sentimental military family and want to embrace minimalism but don’t think you can:

 

You Can.

 

Just start with a simple willingness to try, give your mind some shifts to think about, and start by reducing all your consumption habits.

 

The decluttering will happen when you’re ready.

 

Yes, it won’t feel like “true” minimalism without decluttering a single thing. But who cares about arbitrary standards or definitions?

 

If you’re living a life that is focused on people and not things, reducing your consumption, and making time for the things that are important to you:

 

You’re a minimalist.

 

That’s what minimalism is about. Letting go of the unimportant to make space for the important. Clearing the clutter (or the cluttering habits) to make way for the real treasures in your life.

 

Or, for some of us, minimalism is just our coping mechanism for fitting into one of those “historic” houses. 🙂

 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by!

 

 

If you enjoyed

 

Why Minimalism is Hard for Military Families (And How to Get Past it)

 

 please read

 

10 Cheap and Quick Ways to Make Military Housing Home

 

(not promising anything for the historic houses)