I’m just going to get it out of the way by saying there is no easy way to help your baby get to know their separated parent.

Because bottom line: having a parent gone is not easy.

But, easy and possible are two totally different things!

I think the strength of military families is proof enough that family bonding CAN and DOES happen, even during times of separation.

It’s just…babies don’t have good memories.  In fact, some military brat babies have never even met both their parents!

So how do you keep your baby “aware” of their other parent, and help them bond?

These are some of my favorite ways.  Only some of these are affiliate links and they are ONLY ones that I believe in and would recommend to you, my friends of the internet.

 1. Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

I know it’s a no-brainer but I’m going to state the obvious.  This is easiest done on your phone because babies love phones.  You get your phone out, you swipe to show pictures of you and baby, and then you swipe and say “Daddy”  or “Mommy” and give baby time to study with facial recognition.  Babies are keenly attracted to faces and practice facial recognition at even the earliest of ages (we’re talking like 4 months old!)

The older your baby gets, the more effective it is to take the pictures off your phone and place them around the house.  Infants LOVE being carried over to the wall where they can see (and sometimes point) at framed pictures.

2. Print a Baby Safe Photo Album

I know, this is still pictures.  But it gets it’s own category because it’s a totally different opportunity for babies to touch and hold pictures of their parent.  You can print photos on amazon.com or at your local drugstore for under $5.  Put them in a Dollar Store photo album, and your baby has it’s own personalized book of significant photos.

It’s more portable than your phone (because baby can have it unattended) and it adds a physical element to recognizing faces and people.  The more senses that are involved in a learning experience, the more quickly it is mastered.  Also, having it be “baby’s book” rather than “mommy’s phone” gives a sense of ownership over the pictures.  Babies love ownership. haha

One last way is to laminate one or two favorite pictures, or tape them down low on the fridge where baby can crawl up to them.  It may sound silly, but again, babies respond very well to touch and activity.  Giving them a chance to “experience” the photo on their own terms is very helpful at such a curious stage.  Make the photos available to them!

3.  Video Chat

Skype, FaceTime, or Google Duo…any kind of video chat.

It’s free.

It’s not always reliable.

But it’s free.

And even if your baby is only one day old, they still have total ability to hear their parents voice.  Audio is a big part of how babies bond with their parents in the womb, and so it’s still just as effective post-birth.  I cannot overestimate the amazingness of video calls and how they make your child (and you) feel connected to your spouse.

Yes, hanging up is hard.  But sometimes hard things are totally worth it.  I have always felt like this is one of those cases!

4. Record Videos

Yes, it’s similar to the one above.  Except it doesn’t require great signal, coordination of different time zones, and the interruptions of everyday life.  Once you have that video on your phone, it’s your private vault to an interactive session of audio and facial recognition for your infant.

Plus, it’s free.

Ask your spouse to record a few videos, as short or long as you can send, that say baby’s name, and also use the words “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  It presents baby with another layer of connection, that all the persons being mentioned are being related to each other.  Yes, it’s subtle.  And these are babies.  But babies are very intune and have a keen perception of concepts.  So begin having your spouse associate himself/herself with you and baby by talking about you all in the same video.

5.  Make a Photo Blanket

This one is the more expensive ones on the list, depending on where you order it.  But it’s still one of my favorites, mostly because it warms your heart as well as baby’s.  You can create a large fleece photo blanket on Shutterfly.com (not affiliate), or a very small snuggle kind on DaddyDolls.com.

Either way, baby can see it’s parent pictured while stretched out on the blanket for tummy time.  Or, if baby is still too small for that, you can use the blanket to wrap about them while snuggling.  Babies will more than likely not notice this association as much as the others, but for Mom/Dad, it can be one of the most comforting ways to keep your spouse in your baby’s life.  Seeing them wrapped in a picture blanket is maybe more for you than for them.  But you are just as important!

6. Record a Story

This is the other “slightly expensive” one.  Hallmark sells books which have a recorder in them.  Before your spouse departs, you can have him/her record a story that can be played aloud for your baby anytime you want them to have a story read to them.  Again, babies connect very distinctly with voices, despite not being able to follow a “story-line”. My military mom friends recommend the story Under the Same Moon, and I honestly can’t think about it without getting emotional.

This one does require a little planning, so if your baby was born while your spouse is already gone, don’t feel obligated to send the recorder to them and wait for them to send it back.  That’s a lot of work and adds a level of stress you don’t need.  There are PLENTY of other ways to keep your spouse present in your baby’s life!

7. Talk About your Spouse

I’m sure you talk to your baby all the time.  Whether it’s coos and babbles, or full-blown conversations because you need someone to talk to (hi, ahem).   It might be hard but just talk about your spouse.  Tell your baby about him or her.  Share and use their name a lot.  Liken them to you–example:  “Mommy loves you.  And Daddy loves you.  Mommy drinks coffee.  And Daddy drinks coffee.”

Help baby understand there is another person in your family.  Even something as simple as laying in bed and patting both pillows to indicate where each parent sleeps.  Babies love it when you try to explain something to them.  So just go for it!  They understand more than you would think.

8.  Sing About your Spouse

Okay, maybe this one seems redundant.  But studies show that song is often easier to memorize than spoken words.  If you can’t think of conversations to have with your baby about your spouse, then sing a song that has a special line or two about your spouse.

A good place to start is a common tune like Twinkle Twinkle or Frere Jacques substituted with words like “Hello Baby, Mommy Loves you, Hello Baby, Daddy Loves you, Goodnight Baby, Mommy Loves you, Goodnight Baby, Daddy loves you, etc.  Something very repetitive, and something that mentions your name, your spouse’s name, and your baby’s name (and any siblings too!).

Babies love music. You can’t go wrong by associating your spouse with a song. It will be all that more special when baby is reunited with their parent and can hear the song from them!

9.  Create a Doll

This is better for a baby 5+ months, since it’s a toy and newborns don’t have a ton of interest in them.  But I wanted to link it anyway because I personally love these.  (not sponsored at all).  You simply submit a photo with good quality lighting (the requirement details are easy to find) and the company creates a soft plush “doll” of your soldier.

This combines the whole visual aspect with a physical component (plus you can add a voice recorder for $8 if you want an audio element as well).  I have purchased from this company and was really satisfied with my products!  Plus having a doll replica of your soldier is pretty cute.

These wash well, never fade, and are a guaranteed snuggle item for the days when baby needs to hug Mommy or Daddy. Plus, it’s more photo reinforcement! We love to see it, and so will baby!

10. Emphasize a Significant Toy

I almost didn’t include this one, since again, toys don’t work for babies of all ages.  But when I was an Army brat back in the day, this is the one we relied really heavily on.  (I had a special stuffed animal).  So, I had to add this!

Ask your spouse to leave a present, or send one, that can be a special reminder for baby.  Whether it’s a night light, special blanket, or stuffed animal, having a “significant” item with a special meaning is a great way to remind baby that their parent is still nearby.  Whenever you turn on the night light, or offer them the stuffed animal, remind them that this is a gift from Daddy/Mommy and that it means he/she is thinking about them.  Again, repetition combined with a physical object is a great way to help babies learn.

Don’t be surprised if baby starts reaching for this at night! Babies are incredibly intuitive, and they thrive with both repetition and connection. Associating something special with a parent, and consistently reminding them of this, really is a thorough way to bring their parent into their daily life!

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Regardless of how you familiarize your baby with their deployed parent, the important thing is that you are doing it.

There is a huge stigma around military life and deployment that it’s “not compatible with parenthood” but coming from an Army brat myself– that is just not true!

There is so much you can do to make your child feel the presence of their deployed parents, at even the smallest of ages.  And if you’ve already been down this road before, please share in the comment section what you did to help your baby or children.  This military community builds each other up, and your comments are precious!

Thank you for stopping by!

Read Next:

An Open Letter To Military Moms: I was an Army Brat too

10 Coping Mechanisms that Actually Work for Kids During Deployment