Being a stay at home mom isn’t easy.

Edit: And thanks to the pandemic, this is now an undisputed claim!

If you are a stay at home mom than you KNOW what I’m talking about.

I can say that every single one of these “improvements” I’m sharing today were learned by trial-and-error.  Meaning they are literal changes I made to the way that I did things.  Each and every one has ONLY made it on the list because I really, truly, think it’s an effective change that drastically improved my life as a stay at home mom.  Luckily, most of them are either free, or at least inexpensive, and none of them should take longer than a day or two to implement.

Pull on some leggings, spritz some dry shampoo on your bun, and let’s jump in!

Note: some of the links here are affiliate links, which means that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a compensation if you click through my links and make a purchase. ALL are products I personally believe in. 

1. Create a Kid-Safe Space

I’ve always liked SUPER impractical nurseries (fur-rugs that my dogs destroy, cute diffusers that don’t really eliminate diaper pail smell, etc).  And I have always had a strong abhorrence to traditional “playroom” style areas: primary color shelves, plastic toy tubs, busy rugs, etc.

But I finally realized that I would be doing myself a HUGE favor if I turned my nursery into a baby-safe space.  I needed a place where we could just BE and I wouldn’t have to worry that something wasn’t baby-proof.

We did a makeover. My daughters’ room now has a low, safe bed, small shelves, and completely baby-safe toys.  There is nothing that poses a safety risk or makes me have to be on my toes the way I have to worry in my living room, kitchen, etc. And I didn’t have to furnish it with kiddie-style things that stress me out. Everything is relatively “impractical” in terms of color (WHITE) but also totally safe.

I didn’t realize how freeing it would be to have a kid-safe space until I started bringing my laptop into the nursery and shutting the door.  Now my kids can crawl around and play and get into ANYTHING they want and I can write (or Netflix…let’s be real) on my laptop while supervising.  (In the rest of the house, it’s harder to write/Netflix (ahem) because I’m constantly watching every little possible mishap).  Bonus: my house stays clean and only the nursery gets messy.

2. Choose a Self-Care Thing Every Day

Choose one self-care thing every day to do.

And then actually do it!

That might sound like a stretch.  It also might sound selfish.  But I promise, it doesn’t have to be.  I don’t do a “self-care” thing at the expense of my family or our financial means.  I do reasonable self-care things.

Sometimes that means doing a face mask after my shower, other times it means saying “yes” to a Pumpkin Spice Latte while I’m on a grocery run.   Basically, it means taking a few minutes to not be guilty and do something to refresh myself, for the sake of myself and my family.

I’m a better mom when I do!  And I try to do it every day.  Once a week just isn’t frequent enough when you are home every.single.day.

3. Join a Ladies’ Group

This is something that is relatively “available” to me as a military wife.  I’m sure it is different for civilian mothers, but then again there are always local facebook groups in every town.

Basically, FIND A TRIBE.

I know it is so much easier said than done.  But I finally decided no matter how hard or easy it was, I was going to do it.  I joined a prayer group (called CWOC) and it affords me the opportunity once a week to sit with other ladies, enjoy brunch edibles, and talk about our common interests (faith).  If you’re not looking for a faith-based groups, there are mommy-and-me playgroups, adult hobby groups, and volunteer activities that are all involve communities of people who are in the “same boat” or at least “similar interest” to you.

Having SCHEDULED adult interaction is key for me as a stay at home mom.

I love talking with my babies, but I think its healthy for mothers to have other adults to talk to.  It’s important to keep your socialization skills up-to-date (despite being fluent in baby) because nobody likes feeling like an outsider.  And we don’t want to end up blaming our kids for feeling like we are isolated!  So get out there and find a group that fits your interest.  You don’t have to befriend the entire group, either.  But making even one friend in the group, or two acquaintances will open you up to a lot of adult interaction.

4. Join a Toddler’s Group

This is for your stay-at-home kids.

They need interaction with others too!

Toddler groups can be anything from a paid activity (like a toddler gym time) or a free-t0-join playgroup.   Toddlers thrive with interaction and it helps them with coping skills, team-work concepts, and general socialization habits.  The bonus of course is that you normally get time to talk to the other moms in the group (meaning  a second weekly scheduled adult interaction…yay!).

If there is not one in your area, START ONE!

That might sound daunting, but seriously:  get on your local neighborhood page and post a “meet-up” at your local park.  Make it a bring-your-own-snack playdate and see who comes.  It takes a few weeks for word to get out and more toddlers to roll in, but really, these kinds of play groups work!

5. Create a Calendar

This was one of my ORIGINAL life-savers when I became a stay-at-home mom.

And it’s not as schedule-tastic as it sounds!

It could also be called, “giving yourself something to look forward to.”

The flexibility of flying by the seat of my pants is convenient, but it can sometimes make it hard to “look forward” to my week when I have virtually no expectations.

At the beginning of every week, I schedule to-dos (mostly self-imposed!) like house cleaning goals, self-care ideas, fun outings for me and the babies, and any appointments we might have.  It makes my week feel and look “busy” in a good way.  (If you’re not a stay-at-home mom that probably sounds crazy, but for all you SAHMs you KNOW what I’m talking about haha).

6. Schedule My Workouts

I am not a gym person.

Not due to peronsal motivation, but due to circumstances (ie. BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM).  I don’t put my kids in daycare and I hate leaving for the gym the second my husband walks through the door.  My alternative:  youtube workouts.  I’ve been doing them since 2014 and they have been my NUMBER ONE source of fitness ever since.  Pre-baby, prenatal, post-baby…I love working out at home.

The key is– I HAVE to schedule the workouts (during naptime) or else I get too busy.  I love my sleep, so I don’t wake up before the kids to do it.  When the baby naps, I give my toddler a fun activity and then roll out my mat and do pilates/ballet/stretching/cardiodance to whatever music I want.  It refreshes me and gets those endorphins pumping!

7. Get My Kids on a Nightly Routine

I secretly hated nighttime schedules for a few years.  I felt like they were so constricting.  As an Army family, our weekly schedules vary quite a bit.  I felt like having strict bedtimes was just an added burden to my already baby-focused day.

But with two kids, having no nighttime routine wasn’t working.  So we finally devised a bath-book-prayer-bedtime routine and I have to say it has been LIFE-CHANGING. (Turns out all those other parents were right!) The kids go to sleep at the same time, every single night, simultaneously, and it has afforded us so much time together as a couple to do things we want in the evening.

8. Buy a Toddler Alarm

I have to list this as it’s own thing, because it’s just that crucial.

Even if you have a baby or one kid that sleeps well for you, chances are, if you have a toddler, — someone DOESN’T!  Bedtimes were a long-standing issue for our family, especially since we chose to co-sleep for the first 18 months.  I was commiserating with other moms in my mom-group (see above!) and I mentioned how impossible bedtimes were.  They all squealed with delight and revealed their go-to secret: The Magical Toddler Alarm.

Being completely honest, I didn’t believe it would work.  But I bought one.

IT

WORKS

Plain and simple.  Instead of an alarm that sounds every morning, the alarm simply changes color.  (yay for silence!) The color signals that your child can get out of bed.  And I know you already thinking, “that’s not the issue for my kid.”  Just trust me.  There is magical fairy dust somewhere in it.  If you don’t believe me, try it consistently for a week and if it STILL doesn’t work, leave a comment below and get your money back from Amazon!

9. Get Absolutely Creative and Passionate

This one is nearest and dearest to my heart.

I’m a creative person and I honestly need creative outlets even more than I need social ones.  And if I was going to hedge a bet, I would guess that you need creative outlets too.  Especially as stay at home mothers, where our days are routinely the same, I think it’s important to have a “long term project” that gets us excited and gives us outlets to work and express ourselves.

Write a book!

If you’re not the literary type, try starting a blog!  Or an etsy shop.  It takes a little while to build your etsy inventory.  But plan a launch date a month or two out and start crafting!  If you’re not into writing, or crafting, considering restyling an entire room.  Or your wardrobe!  Buy a set of paints. (Edit: my current 2021 creative outlet!)  Take up kick-boxing.  Plant the garden you always wanted.  Head out to the garage and start wood-working. Have you ever considered becoming a Minimalist?

There are many free (and not free) courses online: everything from time management to couponing to aromatherapy.  Just pick something that will take time (as in weeks) and make it your long term project.  Chances are, this outlet will end up being a de-stressor, and may possibly turn into a side-hustle.  I’m all about those.

10. Download the Kindle App

I love nursing my babies.

I’m a total advocate for breastfeeding.

And I love the quiet time nursing affords me.  But I think one thought that plagues a lot of stay at home moms (including me) is that there seems to be big pockets of time-wasting… where you have to be sitting (or nursing) and you don’t feel like you’re “doing anything.” (hint: you actually are, but it’s easy to not recognize that in yourself). I downloaded the Kindle App and have been LOVING it.

Even though reading a kindle isn’t a far cry different from reading social media or news, it GREATLY enhances my day.  I don’t feel like I’m blindly scrolling through the same feeds or posts.  I’m investing in a story, using the creative part of my brain, and learning as I go along.  It’s especially great when I’m reading a self-help book.  I finish each nursing session feeling like I did something (besides the obvious of nurturing and bonding with my baby).  It has truly eliminated some of that “time-wasting” guilt!  (Again, moms shouldn’t feel this guilt, but I know it’s a real thing and it creeps in).

If you’re not really a reader type, then you can accomplish the same thing with a pair of headphones.  Try a podcast.  Amazon also has an audiobook program called Audible (you get 2 free books when you sign up for the 1-month trial).   And if you’re a book-reading AND an audio-type person, Amazon offers an Unlimited Membership program to cater to both (unlimited reading and unlimited listening).  Right now, I’m only doing the Kindle app.

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What did I miss?  Is there a change you have made to drastically improve your stay at home life? Share it in the comment section below.  We could all benefit from your wisdom!!

*Read Next:  8 Pregnancy Rules I Decided to Break (and Why)*