One Detail Every Military Family Should Know About Their Own Family

 

Have you ever taken a personality test and had the results *emailed* to you?

 

Meyers-Briggs, Kiersey Personalities, Enneagram, Spirit Animal…everyone’s taken a million tests (at least I have) to try best define their personality.

 

Personally, I love reading the results.  And for a long time, that was the extent of my research.

 

I basically researched myself a million times, without getting much variety in the outcomes. It was purely for entertainment and maybe to rediscover a pointer or two about my personality passions and triggers.

 

But one day, I began researching other people’s temperaments: friends, my boss, frenemies, my family.

 

The impact was almost instantaneous.  It was like every time I researched someone, an enormous light dinged in my head and I suddenly understood them SO much better than ever before.

 

This post contains affiliate links which means that, at no additional cost to you, I may make a commission if you click through my links and make a purchase.

 

 

So why do I advocate that families do this?  

 

Not just because it’s fascinating.  (Hint: it is).

 

But because it will drastically effect your relationship with the people in your family.  And beyond your family!

 

Even if it’s just a mental/emotional relationship with someone, like an estranged family member or a secret crush.

 

In fact it’s one of the best paths to understanding in a mental/emotional relationship.  Just imagine the implications it would have on a real-life, personal relationship! And when it comes to relationships, I can’t think of more significant ones than those of your family: especially your spouse/children if you’re married.

 

 

 

 

A quick low-down on the four personality types:

 

I’m going to keep this broad and quick, and not very scientific.  If you’re interested though, there is a GREAT deal of science, history, and pyschology behind this.  (It’s also a hobby-horse of mine, as I wrote my 70 page senior thesis on it, hehe, bear with me).

 

But roughly there are 4 temperaments, and everyone has a little bit of all them.  Most people, however, have a primary temperament (the one dominant in their personality) and a secondary (the other most common, but lesser dominant one).  There is no best or worst temperament; they are all equals.

 

• Choleric– leader, compulsive, competitive, over-achiever, strong-willed, dominant
• Melancholic– meticulous, thoughtful, idealistic, sentimental, rule-follower, deep
• Sanguine– energetic, fun-loving, social, sensitive, entertaining, generous
• Phlegmatic– calm, relaxed, steady, unprovoked, quiet, introverted, content

 

Like I said, there is a little of all four in every single person.  But you most strongly identify with two, and one of them much more than the other.  If you want to take an official quiz on your type, you can do it here.  But back to the main issue:

 

 

Why should you know the temperaments of your military family?

 

Because knowing your family’s temperaments can make a 3-fold, enormous, mind-blowing impact on your family life.

 

For military families, our quality time is patchy. (I’m being generous here)

 

Sometimes we get way more time together than civilians, sometimes we have to wait a whole year to be a family again.  To cut to the chase, we don’t have TIME for miscommunication, disharmony, and interactive confusion.

 

Military families specialize in working smarter, not harder.

 

We are famous for putting in *extra* time to make our family tighter and stronger amid the ups and downs of our lifestyle.

 

 

So if you discover your family’s temperaments, here’s what you can expect to gain:

 

 

It Teaches You About Their Core

 

Have you’ve ever wondered why your spouse does things a certain way?  Or why your child has a habit of doing something?

 

The temperaments of your family members reveals the reasons.

 

The “flightiness” of your child is not always because “kids will be kids.”  They might never grow out of it.  It might be a part of their core.  The flighty behavior is characteristic of a sanguine.

 

The fact that your spouse may make choices without consulting you is not (always) a sign of disrespect.  It’s a reflection of their choleric nature.  They could be hard-wired to pull the trigger the moment they get a goal.

 

Learning about the core of WHO they are, what motivates them, what their natural flaws may be, and what their overall personality looks like will help you IMMENSELY when it comes to understanding/relating/sympathizing/tolerating them.

 

 

You Will Learn How to Interact Most Successfully

 

Learning about someone’s temperament doesn’t JUST give you an inside into their psyche.  It also equips you with the knowledge to learn how to best interact with them.

 

Note: I’m not talking about manipulating someone.  But you will be able to find the most effective means for communicating with them, motivating them, challenging them, pleasing them, etc.

 

You could buy a sanguine all the gifts in the world but if you continually pressure them to skip social events and stay home, his or her spirits will likely be down.  If your spouse is choleric, challenging them (not buttering up or coddling) will be the best way to motivate them.

 

You’ll be much more successful the first time around if you figure out what makes their personality tick and how you can best relate to them.

 

 

It Predicts How They Will Treat You

 

Nobody is forced to act upon their temperament.  I’m not trying to give melancholics an excuse to mope or sanguines an excuse to leave your date early to talk with friends on the phone.  But if you take comfort in predicting how others will behave, knowing someone’s temperament will often explain how they will treat you.

 

Sometimes, it can even prevent hurt feelings or miscommunication.

 

If you’re dealing with a melancholic child, it’s helpful to prepare yourself for big emotions and mood swings, rather than be caught off-guard and get constantly frustrated.  If your spouse is melancholic, it’s helpful to know they probably already have a “system” in mind for things.  So if they correct you, it’s not because they are trying to make you feel unimportant, but simply because they want to try things their way.

 

And when it comes to relationships, surprises aren’t nearly as beneficial to everyone as tried-and-true understanding is.

 

 

 

 

 

So the benefits of the temperaments is pretty obvious:

 

• Learning about your family’s core
• Equipping you to best interact with them
• Predicting how they will treat you

 

But if all that still isn’t enough, here is one last appeal:

 

Every normal parent thinks this at some point, “I wish I knew the secret to getting my kid to simply LISTEN.”

 

But us military parents also think this at some point, “I wish I could know why the deployment is effecting my two kids differently, and what I could do to help.”

 

Similarly, normal couples think this at some point, “I wish I knew the key to why my spouse acts/feels the way that they do.”

 

But us military couples also have to think at some point, “I wish I knew why they were acting/feeling like this.  I would do anything to understand but we aren’t around each other consistently enough to really get to the bottom of it.”

 

I can guarantee that if you knew your children’s temperaments, a new world would open up to you.  You would be able to discover the best means of motivation and discipline for their personalities.  On top of that, you could apply the strains of military life to their personalities and behaviors.  And while military life is unpredictable in itself, understanding your child’s core would offer serious stability in understanding them and how something could pose a challenge to his/her spirit.s

 

In the same way, if you understood your spouse’s temperament, you could have great insight into why he/she feels and acts the way that they do.  Throw in the emotions separation, worry, and unpredictability of military life, and all of a sudden that insight becomes way more important.

 

So, if you haven’t done it yet, go take this personality test, or the test of your choosing.  If you’re more of a book person (howdy, neighbor), my favorite series is by Art and Lorraine Bennet.  One book centers on your own personality type, another focuses on that of your spouse, and their last book is about discovering your children’s temperaments. (affiliate links)

 

Don’t just take the test yourself though!

 

Get your family to take it too.

 

Although to be honest, it’s not that hard to identify the primary and secondary personalities of each of your family members once you get the hang of it!

 

Bonus homework: if you found this helpful, consider figuring out the love language of each family member.  (I talk a little bit about how important that is in this post.)  I’m planning to write a post on that too!

 

Thanks for stopping by.  If you already know your personality type, leave a comment below.  I hope you’ll come back soon!

 

Read Next:  Maximize Your Military Love Life

 

Military Love: The Secret to Not Over-Adapting

 

Military Love: 6 Secrets to Making it Work