Best Places to Find MilSpouse Friends at a New Duty Station

 

 

If you’ve been a dependent for any length of time, or PCS’d to a duty station that wasn’t your hometown, you may have been faced with the an incredibly daunting task.

And I don’t mean unpacking your household goods.

I’m talking about the one of the hardest parts of adulting:

Making friends with other adults.

If you live on post (or near it), you’re lucky, because most of the other adults there are in the same boat as you.

But that still doesn’t always make it easy.

So today I’m sharing my favorite resources for finding friends:

 

1. Attend at least one FRG meeting and Coffee Group.

I’m going totally old-school here.  But really…nobody is MORE in your boat than the people in your FRG group. Your spouse shares a coffeepot and parking lot with their spouses.  Your spouse forms up every morning with their spouses.  The FRG is your one place to meet everyone who is in your unit, soldiers and spouses.   So at least give this a try once.  I mean, I reccomend going to all of them, but I like meetings. 🙂

And Coffee Groups aren’t available at every unit, but they are basically an FRG group with a focus on the social aspect of things.  I would encourage trying one of these since they are focused on fostering unity and friendship amongst spouses in the same unit!  And liking to drink coffee is not a requirement.

 

2. Go to CWOC or PWOC.

These are groups for “women of the chapel” and no, you don’t have to be super religious to join.  They are friendship/support groups for Catholic and Protestant women, though neither group would discriminate if you weren’t sure about your religious stance and wanted to test the waters.  As long as you’re interested in coming, YOU’RE IN.  We are friendly.  🙂

These are typically morning get-togethers once-a-week (though Ft. Bragg had an evening group as well) and childcare is normally provided.  Each group will obviously function differently but they all have a central focus: a relaxed atmosphere where members gather on a weekly basis for fellowship and prayer.  I give this a try (and become a member) at every single duty station we go to.  It’s actually been my most successful way of meeting new friends.  The groups are very welcoming, so don’t be shy to try a meeting or two!

 

3. Join a variety of Facebook groups.

You guys know me…I’m a pinterest girl.  I hate Facebook.  But fb groups are enormously helpful for finding friends.  If your spouse is in a school, join the group for that school!  There are always duty station groups, as well as neighborhood groups and themed groups (Ft Bragg Recipe Swap, Ft Lewis Book Club, Ft Riley Bump and Babble, etc.).  Don’t underestimate your ability to connect with other spouses who you can meet up with!  Remember that you aren’t the only one who is looking for friends.  The other spouses who joined these groups are in the same situation as you are, and are most likely on the friend-hunt too.  Reach out and see who wants to meet up!

 

4. Find out if your new duty station has a spouses’  exercise group.

Hint: it totally will.  Almost every station does, and they are always free to join.  Ft. Bragg has a popular Stroller Strides group and Ft. Benning has a strong chapter of Stroller Warriors.  (S.L.A.M. also had a super big tribe at Benning).  You don’t have to be a fitness expert (or have a stroller) to join one of these open groups and make friends.

 

5.  Sign your kids up for activities.

This one only works if you are a spouse with children.  But there are many, many activities on-post that you can take your kids to and make friends at the same time.  The good news about these events is that they are casual.  And that you’ll be connecting with other moms (one more thing in common!)

You can either enroll them in a sport through CYS (which costs money) or take them to free playgroups (craft time at the library, toddler playtime at the park, etc.)  In either scenario, you’ll be spending time with other moms and babies in a family-friendly environment.  I have connected with people this way and have found that building our friendship around a common activity and people (our children) is a great way to solidify a connection.

 

6. Look for support groups through Army Community Service.

This one is for my Army girls.  The Army Community Service is literally made for helping you integrate into all aspects of military life.  While it doesn’t “specialize” in finding you friends, it certainly supports you in that.  There are Army Family Team Building (AFTB) meet ups and groups that are a good place to not only learn more about the military, but also make friends who are “new” at this too.  The Family Advocacy Program is another opportunity to find free-to-join service groups, everything from spouses who are alone during deployment to new parent support.  You can check out your post’s MWR calendar to see what events are going on in your area.

Again, while none of these are centered on friendship (the way CWOC, PWOC, and Stroller groups are) they are still an opportunity to meet other military spouses who are looking for friends.

And PS. If you’re not an Army dependent, there are other programs for you guys too.  I talk about them in this post.

 

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What group did I miss?  Those are all the ones that I can think of (and have personally tried).  Yes, all of them.  Desperate much?  haha.  But really, I know I’m not the only one who has been the new kid on the block and need to find friends.

Also, I know I don’t need to point out the obvious, but you don’t have to stay in any of these groups just because you have attended them.  Sometimes, all it takes is an initial meeting or two to make friends and trade numbers.  Then, if you don’t have time to stay in the group, at least you will still have the friends that you made from it!  (I’m not advocating dumping groups, I’m just saying that you don’t have to fill up your life with clubs and activities just to keep friends).

Remember at the end of the day that everyone wants companionship.  No one will think you are crazy for trying to become friends.  Even if you feel like you’re the only new person, you’re not.  At one time or another we all have been (or currently are) that same person.  So don’t be shy.

And always welcome the new girl.  <3